Born asleep: A story of loss and hope

Thirty four years ago today, on a pretty similar bleak, grey day that only January can produce I was just walking into a parallel bleak grey mindset that has remained a part of me ever since. I was a patient in the then locally infamous Newham Maternity Hospital at Forest Gate awaiting the birth of our first child. A naiive 23 year old, I read every childcare and pregnancy book available to man and even borrowed my friend's midwifery book. This was either a blessing or a mistake because I devoured this too-pragmatically observing that although some awful things can happen-most people deliver safely.

My pregnancy was uncomfortable, I enlarged to the size of a small blue whale, had constant sickness, fatigue and raised blood pressure. My registrar (I never saw the consultant until the day of delivery-he was much too important)was contentious from the off-disbelieving my dates. As a young "primagravida" (I picked up all the terms) I was suspected of knowing nothing... or having a brain... and when I argued and said that I had felt movement at the correct time for a first baby-she dismissed it as wind.  She then reset my dates from 17 January 1981 to 28 February 1981!

I felt massive panic! I knew I was a novice at this pregnancy game but I knew my dates were not that far adrift. Cutting a long and painful story short-at about lunchtime on 11 January a baby monitor was strapped to my expanding girth and there was no rhythmic heart beat-just a dull empty crackle. 

Then, the worst 36 hours of my life began. I eventually delivered a 4lb 8oz boy at 10-30pm on 12 January 1981.The breech birth was incredibly traumatic, painful and it was only due to the skill of the midwives that I came through in one piece. The NHS at its best-and its worst! Forest Gate Maternity hospital was busy, overcrowded, under-funded and had a bad reputation due to various cases of baby death and professional mistakes.(Sound familiar?) We had many complaints and indignities throughout the process-but the skill of the midwives got us through. A catalogue of errors would have made a lawyer rub his hands and I am sure we could have sued successfully.

We discussed with our GP what action to take-we were never inclined to litigate. After all-this would not bring Jonathan (that's what we called him) back, it wouldn't make us feel better and nothing positive could come from this. As far as we could see, it would put more financial pressure on an already restricted service. Instead we made formal complaints and decided next time to attend University College Hospital-which we did, under the amazing "Prof" Brant-the total antithesis of the consultant I had previously had. Later, I had equally excellent care at Furness General Hospital with my last child in 1993. 

I blundered through the stages of grief and adopted the approach that if people ignored that we had had a baby-I would tell them! Cathartic for me -maybe not for them!There was no grief counselling then! I had my first piece of published writing in Parents magazine and campaigned for recognition of stillbirth-it was still taboo in '81! Luckily, people like Esther Rantzen suddenly began campaigning for better care and charities like SANDS (est 1978) started to gain a higher profile. I went onto have four more pregnancies-resulting in three live births.So NHS fails: one NHS successes: three! Had I litigated I think I would still be firmly locked into the anger stage of grief and may not have had other children, so I am glad I made the choice. 

Stillbirth is something, until you or someone you know experiences it, that people believe is rare and consigned to the history books. Sadly it isn't. Its still far too common. Amazing leaps forward have been made in pre-natal care and some very premature babies now survive. I myself was premature weighing only 3lbs-again because the placenta didn't function properly-but due to an amazing obstetrician Mr Garth Stoneham I survived and so did my mum. It seemed incongruous that I survived in 1957 and yet my son died in 1981. However, I do believe, that despite the standard of care I received, with a failing placenta, confusion over dates, a breech birth, I think retrospectively we would have been very lucky to have a successful outcome, but of course we will never know. 

Thankfully, according to research "Perinatal mortality rates have fallen by a third since 1982. It is felt that general improvements in healthcare, midwifery and neonatal intensive care are bringing about the gradual decline in deaths". 

I do become concerned that a lack of funds, resources and staff; which certainly contributed to my loss, is once again becoming apparent today. This always leads to a vicious circle of low staff morale, damage to reputations and possible closure. I hope that this will not happen! In an overworked system someone with problems or fitting the at risk demographic will be less secure.

According to research on 2012 "a study of stillbirths in England showed the risk to be significantly higher where the growth restriction was not detected antenatally, suggesting this is an important avenue for reducing stillbirth rates in the future. It concluded strategy should focus on improving antenatal detection of growth restriction and subsequent management of pregnancy and delivery!"

 Surely, with the correct level of resourcing this is am area which can be improved. It is very hopeful, as long as financial cut backs don't prevent such progress. I am not foolish enough to believe that all stillbirths can be eradicated; it is part of natural selection; but any improvement for mothers is good and I like to think that as few people as possible would go through this traumatic experience as possible. Which is why we must fight tooth and nail to retain the quality of the NHS and ensure that we demand the continued support for our local services. Standards must always come under scrutiny and care must continue to improve. However, continued bad publicity and criticism must reduce-we could complain ourselves out of a service at all! Newham Hospital was soon replaced by a new and hopefully better hospital; but this won't happen at Furness-more likely the maternity service in its current form will disappear. Funding restrictions can be disguised as "improvement". Thirty four years on don't let us slip into the past-to an under-funded, poorly valued system used as a political football by the Tories! It's our NHS let's fight to keep it!

And now for something completely different

I know I do rant on a bit from time to time (listens for a volley of protesting voices) but this week I really do feel the need to rant and shout and possibly scream! The reason...the decision by the local hospital Trust to downgrade and essentially remove Special Care and Consultant led pregnancy care from Furness General Hospital as from Tuesday. There have been numerous issues around maternity services for months if not years and these have culminated in this very unexpected decision. Even the hospital staff and GP Commissioning body did not know about this decision until it was announced at a meeting on Tuesday.

Anyone who know Barrow-in-Furness will realise that removing services to Lancaster is a horrendous and worrying action. We have a large town, many outlying rural communities all concentrated at the tip of a very long peninsula. Lancaster on a good  day is 45 minutes away and is reached by one road-the notorious A590. It is a great road until there is an accident, bad weather or major congestion and then it becomes "the longest cul-de-sac in the world!" Recently, when we had snow, people were stranded on Lindale Hill for upwards of 5 hours, just one example of what can go wrong. If there are road works delays can last for hours and there is no alternative route-unless of course you possess a hovercraft to speed you along the bay to Lancaster. This then poses a major problem for pregnant ladies-in labour and with complications. It will not just be an inconvenience... it could be the difference between life and death.

The outcomes from this decision are far reaching and although it is supposedly temporary, one does have concerns that it may lead to a permanent solution. There is a health and safety issue due to staff illness at Barrow (apparently as a result of the long term investigation into the deaths of some babies and the ongoing police investigation many of the staff are succumbing to stress). This is how the Trust are justifying their decision; because low staffing levels might result in high risk to mothers and babies. However, the question must be asked...why are staffing levels so low-beyond the illness issue? The answer, in my humble opinion -because the service has been run down, under-funded, under-staffed for years, resulting in staff stress, overwork and low morale. Obviously, the investigations (though totally justified) will have no doubt exacerbated this situation. So why have the Trust not recruited, staffed and trained more people for these crucial  and specialist roles to avert such a disaster? Probably because of cut-backs and government "fat trimming"  and unrealistic targets! Its time that essential services were exempt from this bean counting culture that rules every aspect of public sector service! 

If x costs y then stop telling us that z will do! It patently WON'T do and we all pay enough National Insurance and Tax to demand that our money is spent properly, used efficiently and put where its needed! Streamline the services yes-but (and I am sorry to single out a section of workers) trim the administration, the people who spend their day wandering about carrying important looking files under their arms, get rid of the high cost management-who obviously aren't "managing", cut down on cross county travel, stop meetings to decide on meetings to ....well you get what I mean! But most of all...do NOT keep "re-aligning","re-organising" and changing things for change sake! Its a waste of money, its rarely effective and its very bad for staff morale!

Now back to the dilemma! The Trust need immediately to obtain trained staff from somewhere-no matter what cost and they need to embark on a plan which staffs the hospital correctly to meet the needs of a very isolated community-which already has a second class provision of almost everything-and even extend a bit beyond the minimum levels and have staff to take up the shortfall when needed.

I myself am past child-bearing (big sigh of relief from Mr J) but I have friends who are not,   family members who are not and anyway-I do care about my fellow Barrovians. They deserve a top class service, where everything is done to procure a safe delivery for all. I know only too well what it is to lose a child-both in the early stages of pregnancy, but also at full term and it is not an experience I would recommend. I would additionally not wish to see others have to go through this-particularly if it is due to managerial incompetence, lack of resources, inadequate staffing or bad planning. So, the main focus of this blog today is who ever you are...please do support this cause and sign the petition and if you are local, please join in and add your voice to hundreds of others by uploading video about your experience or why you object to the removal of services from Furness General Hospital. Email your video to  savefghmaternity@gmail.com

my precious baby with Grandma and Grandad-born 9-12-93 FGH

My precious grandson with Mummy and Daddy born by C-Section 5-8-09 at FGH